Lasagna rolls give me mo’ rolls.

If you don’t own stretchy pants/shorts, don’t read my blog. There are some meals I make to detox, and some to retox. This was the latter. Noodles made sweet sweet love to chicken, cheese and shrooms in my kitchen, and it was quite the show. Mack even watched. One of the lasagna rolls was supposed to have Italian ground beef, but one kitchen cutie forgot to take her addy before HEB and left 2 bags of groceries in the checkout line. I lied to Crawford (I forgot to mention yesterday that along with being a sociopath, I also love to lie), and told him it was meat and mushroom, so he just assumed it was beef. Nah, chop chicken up fine enough and add Italian seasoning and crushed red pepper and most people can’t tell. Anyways, it was all legit, and it is the type of meal that you want to lay in bed after, in a XXL t-shirt (and XL shorts let’s get real) and have someone rub your belly and tell you everything will be all right. In my case, I just took a melatonin and quietly sobbed in bed wishing I had eaten less.


Here’s how to try and imitate me:

·         Rotisserie chicken from the grocery or any leftover chicken you have in your fridge that still smells close to normal. Obviously organic is better, but clearly not everyone wants to dish out that cash (cheapass).

·         Low moisture, part skim shredded mozzarella

·         Fresh shaved parmesan

·         Fresh basil

·         Whole mushrooms

·         Fat Free Milk

·         Fat free ricotta 

·         Chopped garlic and onions

·         Lasagna noodles- not the type that is no boil

·         Fresh made spaghetti sauce (if you don’t have any leftover from the last time you made it, use Rao’s fresh basil sauce)

·         1 block of nonfat cream cheese


Cook as many lasagna noodles as you want lasagna rolls. Drain and put on a baking sheet that you’ve sprayed with pam so they don’t stick. In a heavy bottomed pan (I use a le Creuset braising pan), sweat out onions in about a tbs of olive oil. Add minced garlic after about a minute. Add shrooms and cook until done. I recommend chopping them small so that they are the same size as the diced chicken. Add cooked chicken at the end and combine. Mix with about a cup of ricotta (to a cup and a half of the chicken/shroom mixture). On the rolls that you want the chicken and shroom, just put it on the noodles all the way down, and roll up. It’s not rocket science. In another bowl, mix together 1 cup chicken, ½ cup mozzarella and a quarter cup of the shaved parm. Add in fresh basil to taste, and any sort of onion powder or garlic powder. Taste it all—it’s cooked, so don’t be an idiot, if it tastes bland, add seasonings. Do the same with the white cheese and chicken—spread it on the noods, roll it up. For the white sauce, whip the cream cheese til soft, and then add a cup of milk. I added in a dollop of ricotta and made it into a thin milkshake consistency. Pour it over the noods without the shrooms, and then pour the marinara over the ones with mushrooms. Cook at 375 for about 30, or until bubbly and tasty. I served with sautéed broccoli and green beans and a side salad.

Mack and I look surprisingly similar after big meals.


Also-if you’re one of those people who really need measurements, you can look here for more precise info, although the recipe is different, you’ll get the gist.

Leave a Reply