Well, I guess this blog charade must continue. I forgot to cancel my domain and was charged $600 (which I don’t have), so here’s to hoping someone reads this and just wants to throw money my way. I’m looking at you, Crawdad.

So, since my Botox fund has now officially been used to cover TWWAK for another three years, here goes nothing.

I want to discuss a few things that have changed in the last year.

1. Mayonnaise, aka “Food Lube” as the gorgeous Guy Fieri calls it, is no longer my enemy. YOU are my enemy if you slather the disgusting schmegma on your sandwiches willy-nilly, but using mayo as a marinade or in a salad dressing is no longer taboo.
2. Salmon, like mayo, is no longer the devil. Now that Midland Meat Co. carries fresh fish, the salmon selection in Midland has strayed from catfood to almost fresh off the boat.
3. I have become a chopped salad master. Nothing more to say here, just that I am, and always will be, superior to you in all ways salad.
4. I have GOT to eat more salad. Or perhaps hit the gym. Gym. Jim. Slim Jim. Beef Jerky. Beef. Damnit, now I’m hungry again.
5. Lastly, if you are going to be easily offended (I would point towards my mom right now, but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know how to use the internet), please skip reading any time I update. I am not rude, racist, sarcastic or dirty mind-ed in real life…….

Look for a new recipe to hopefully be up tomorrow. Or next year. No promises.

This salad is super customizable, and is a staple in my weekly salad rotation. I like to make 4 salads at the beginning of the week and eat them daily for lunch–sometimes with some sliced protein or avocado/nuts. If you don’t have quinoa, use another high protein/fiber grain (or omit). Can’t find tart cherries? Grab some craisins or golden raisins. Hate goat cheese? Use feta….you see where I’m going. Anyways, stop being such a fatty in the drive through line and take an hour to assemble four lunches and feel way better all week!

Chopped arugula and butter lettuce salad with all the fixings

• 2 bags cauliflower florets
• 1 bag arugula
• 1 bag butter lettuce
• 1 cup dried tart cherries
• 1 container (or small block) crumbled goat cheese
• 1 ready to cook bag of quinoa (or make 2 cups, cooked)
• spicy olive oil (or good quality drizzling oil)
• balsamic glaze

1. Heat oven to 400 and break apart 2 bags of cauliflower into smaller florets. Drizzle with about 1 tbs olive oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Cook for 45 minutes, tossing once after 20 minutes. Set aside to cool
2. Cook quinoa according to package. If using H‑E‑B bag, 90 seconds. If cooking “conventional” quinoa, make 2 cups, cooked. Once cooked, cool and divide into 4 containers
3. Chop up one bag butter bliss and one bag baby arugula and set aside. 
4. Divide up tart cherries (1/4 cup per salad) and layer over cooked quinoa.
5. Add 1/4 container of the goat cheese over the cherries. 
6. Add greens over cherries 
7. Top with 1/4 serving of the roasted cauliflower. 
8. When ready to serve, drizzle with 1 tbs. spicy olive oil (or good quality drizzling olive oil) and 1 tbs balsamic glaze 
9. Optional: top with sliced grilled chicken, add nuts, or avocado for a heartier salad. ** I like to layer the salads in 32oz soup containers so that they are ready to go in a hurry 

Alternative dressing: mix 2 tbs lemon juice, 2 tbs extra virgin olive oil, 1/2 shallot (minced—ok to omit if you don’t have), 1 tbs honey, 1 tbs Dijon mustard with a little sat and pepper. Shake to combine. 

It’s taken me 34 years to accept that there isn’t an exception for mayonnaise. While it still sicks me out hardcore, I have learned that the squirt bottle version isn’t quite as offensive as scooping a glob of mayo-ey goop out of a jar for a recipe. Thanks to my MUCH older, oldest sister, I have an excellent, easy, chicken salad recipe to share. All the ingredients are linked for your H-E-B curbside order if you live in a town lucky enough to have one.

Chicken Salad–makes 4 servings

• 1 lb. shredded rotisserie chicken (chopped to your desired chicken size)
• 1/2 C. mayonnaise (whatever brand you like)
• 6 small celery stalks, diced finely
• 1 tbs. Jane’s Crazy Salt

Legit just combine all the ingredients together. I like to add craisins and almond slivers (and extra celery) to mine, but if I served that to Crawdad, he would serve me with divorce papers.