It’s Monday, so chances are, your pants are a little tight. No? You don’t binge eat during weekends? You must a-be no fun and b-don’t have friends or c-sober (shout out to the sobes people of my life, whether sober b/c you are growing spawn or because you choose to be–you make the world go round, and are delightful sisters/friends/designated drivers. Also-I hope to never be you. Sav B tastes good, and makes me happy.) Whatever. Next time you are craving wings, make these–they are legit good, and really, the best thing about wings is the sauce, and you get that here.
Gluten Free Buffalo Cauliflower Bites
- 1 head cauliflower, cut into florets (or buy a bag already cut up)
- 1 cup water
- 1.5 cups quinoa flower
- ½ tsp paprika
- ½ tsp garlic powder
- 1 cup Frank’s Red Hot wing sauce (or your choice of sauce). If you don’t have wing sauce (who are you?), combine 3/4 cup of hot sauce w/ a tablespoon of melted butter. But invest in wing sauce. It tastes good on everything
Preheat your oven to 450 and spray a baking sheet with Pam. In a bowl, whisk together the water, flour, paprika and garlic. Dip the cauliflower in the batter and line the baking sheet. Bake for 20 minutes. Take the “wings” out and toss them in sauce, and bake for an additional 5-8 minutes. Feel free to dip these bad boys in ranch, fatty. I gave up bread/bread products for lent, but am allowing quinoa or coconut flours in recipes.
Weird Orange, Poblano and Normal
Saturday in West Texas was beautiful. It was the kind of day that should be spent entirely outdoors, from breakfast to dinner. So what did I do in this weather? Laid in bed hungover lamenting the fact that my husband was golfing while my head was throbbing. After my petite pity party, I texted a fellow abandoned wife, and it was decided that we would drink white wine on the patio and eat chips and salsa. So off I went to the store, to buy all the stuff for salsa, and a six pack of Sav. B. I’m pretty sure the salsas were good, but honestly, I cannot guarantee. What I do know is that don’t challenge two ladies to drink as much white wine as they can before the sun goes down…it’s a challenge we will win lose.
Roasted Poblano Salsa
- 3 roasted poblano peppers
- 3 jalapeños, 2 without seeds
- 2 Serrano peppers
- 1 bunch cilantro
- 1 large avocado
- ½ large white onion
- 2 cloves of garlic
- 1 tsp. salt
- Juice of 1 lime
- 3 tomatillos, boiled in water for 8 minutes until soft
- ½ c to 1 c. water
Literally just toss everything into a blender with ½ c water to start. Add more water to thin out as necessary. This stays good for 2-3 days and makes a ton.
Weird Orange Salsa
- 6 tomatoes, quartered
- 10 chili de arbol, rehydrated (soak in hot water for an hour) these chilis are usually found in the Mexican aisle where all the “Fiesta” brand spices are
- 1 white onion, quartered
- 4 cloves of garlic
- 2 tbs. powdered chicken broth (warning, this has MSG, so if you are anti MSG, which technically we all should be, find a brand that doesn’t have it.)
Sautee all the ingredients except for the chicken broth until tender. About 10 minutes. Add to a blender and add the chicken broth and blend until smooth. This is awkwardly orange. Also—I would never have known that the secret ingredient was powdered chicken broth unless Megan told me.
- 1 can rotel
- 2 small tomatoes
- 2 cloves garlic
- 1 small onion
- 1 bunch cilantro
- Juice of 1 lime
Blend everything together. Surely by now you get the jist. Salsa is easy. Just blend shit together and try it with chips.
Apparently these all go well with 100$ worth of Mr. Gattis. I recommend a slice of hamburger pizza dipped in ranch, then dipped in green salsa. #newlow